A New Monthly Feature for Parents and Parent Educators:

Parent Talk, with child development specialist, Carolyn Kiefer, MS

Travels with Young Children
Thanksgiving and Christmas travels can be stressful but planning makes a difference

During a recent cross country trip I had the opportunity to observe some children and families. Airports are particularly challenging to little ones and parents: crowds, hurrying/waiting, anticipation and hauling “the stuff “children require. Number of children to parents, ages, strength, calmness and distances really count! The reasons for travel, family emergency or vacation, also impact parents and children.

I saw a mom who was relaxed and skilled with her 3 kids. She was feeding the 9 month old, talking with the 2 year old who was “doing tricks” on the waiting room seats and the 4 year old who was between looking at a book and teasing the 2 year old. She had some clear limits and a quick laugh. The full evening flight between Chicago and Denver had a couple of parents near the galley, calmly doing the standing jiggle-sway with babies, close comforting, kisses and pats to coax sleep. There was also a tiny baby who cried for most of an hour with a harried young mother surrounded by unsympathetic people.

Travel is yet another time when it is important to know your child, to be “tuned-in” to how they react to newness and change. Several temperament traits (those “hard wired” personal traits) in the child and parent come into play when traveling:

-Activity level, how much need to wiggle and move
-Adaptability: how easily can s/he change schedules and routines (sleep, food newness)
-Approach/Withdrawal: reaction to new people, places, activities
-Intensity of Reaction: how strong or mild are positive and negative reactions (big laughs/crying to mild fussing)

Parents who understand their child’s temperament are ready to offer the emotional supports which make traveling and newness easier to handle and more enjoyable.

We want to build happy memories with our children all along their lives. However, each age has its unique challenges. Babies and young children have little sense of time and distance, and few words to express what they are feeling. They need the grownups they love and trust to reassure and support new experiences.

Infants and Toddlers

Babies rely on their attachment to parents and to sensory cues. Familiar people, smells textures and routines give reassurance in new situations. Some babies will sleep better if they have the sheet from their crib to sleep on, as well as the favorite “blankie”. Extra holding, touching and soothing words also help. During the air pressure changes of take-off and landing it is important for a baby to suck to reduce painful pressure changes in tiny ears. Toddlers also rely on those favorite bears, bunnies and blankets that smell and feel familiar. When traveling, toddlers love to look at pictures of themselves in their bed, playing at home, at the kitchen table, at child care, reading a book with you. Without a sense of time and place, they really don’t understand why you are traveling and when, or if, you will ever go home again.

Three to Five Year Olds

Older threes, fours and fives have a growing sense of time and place. What we did this morning, where we are now, who we are going to visit have some meaning. (However, don’t forget the importance of that special object that means comfort and sleep). You can support expanding understanding, language and learning by talking about what has happened, what will happen next, as well as talking about the current situation: “Wow, just look at that big airplane!” Small choices, (would you like a cracker or a piece of cheese right now?), some strategic wiggle time, a new small toy and healthy snacks are time honored coping strategies for traveling parents. The combination of too tired, too hungry and a stressed parent usually erupts into a child’s “nuclear meltdown” temper tantrum at a conspicuous and inconvenient time!

A Few Survival Tips

However, there are also wonderful opportunities to record your child’s perceptions by giving them drawing materials, writing their dictated story about the day or with photos. Most young children love to have a story about themselves and the events they have experienced during the day (“One day we went on a trip to.... “).

Other ideas? Watch other parents who seem to be managing well or perhaps ask for advice. Think about situations that might occur (delayed flights etc.) and how you might be prepared. If possible, have enough---- diapers, wipes and clothes, healthy snacks, favorite toys, humor and perspective, flexibility and sleep. All easier said than done…

The Best Laid Plans…

I have memories of wonderful trips, happy reunions, and some “disasters” that have become family legends. A situation that 30 years later is funny: A car trip home from Portland. Two car seats in the back seat with careful” little nests” of toys and “blankies,”, wiggle time before leaving etc. On a long stretch of freeway the 10 month old suddenly explodes with diarrhea (and a total failure of diaper containment) all over clothes and car seat. The 3 year old shrieks “OH YUCK!” and promptly throws up. It put “coping” in an entirely new context, and gave deep meaning to “NO EXITS”. It was a long trip home.

Carolyn F. Kiefer, M.S.